Family:
I am so fortunate to have not only my family that I was born into, but Tony's family that I was married into. And both families are amazing. I am so grateful for the support that we have had from our family during this time. From my parents to Tony's mom and sister that came to offer their helping hands in person. To my siblings and Tony's dad that send gifts and cards. And to our extended family, that also sends their love in various ways. I so appreciate you all.
See previous blog for my reflections on Tony. Short summary: Life would not be as amazing without him by my side.
Friends:
Everyone knows and understands the importance of having friends. But when you get sick, you really feel the importance of them.I am so thankful for all the friends in my life. From those living far from me, I appreciate your calls, texts, posts, emails, etc. And even the friends that I haven't heard from often, I still appreciate you and love that our relationship is just as strong when we don't communicate frequently. I love knowing I can come back to town, see you in person and pick up right where we left off. If you are thinking this is you, you are probably right! :)
And I appreciate my Colorado friends so much too! From all those that participated in the meal train, to those that have forced me out of my house when I was becoming to much of a hermit, and to those that have patience to hike or walk at a blistering slow pace with me. Your friendship, your love and your support have made Carbondale feel like a home. The community of this town has always been amazing to us, but especially while going through a difficult time.
If you have pets, you know the importance of these critters in your life. If you don't, we have nothing more to talk about. :) But seriously, there is a reason they have pets visit patients in hospitals and I am so grateful to my cat and dog for all the times they have made me smile, laugh, adventured with me, and snuggled. Lubby definitely knows I am sick and has her own ways of taking care of me. They're the best!
Sopris Crossfit:
Thank you for providing me a community, a place to sweat and bond with other crossfitters, and for being such a badass gym. It's amazing when you have a place or activity taken away from you, it makes you appreciate it that much more. To the coaches that work with my drastic modifications, to the owners that have built such a great environment, and to all the members that motivate and encourage me and actively participate in the community.
2015:
I am so fortunate to be alive. I am also so glad to live during the day and age that I do. I think about if I had lived hundreds of years ago that there is a good chance I wouldn't live far into my 30s. I also think about all the women that dealt with breast cancer even 50 years ago. Silently suffering through a painful experience because it wasn't as public back then. I am thankful for all the advances in the medical industry and for all the organizations that have raised awareness of breast cancer.
Kelli Kristina Day:
On Tuesday July 1st after I was done working for the day I lay on the couch watching Parenthood. My mom finished up some of her last chores she did for us and came to join me. In just a few hours my dad would be back from Palisade (where he was visiting customers) and picking my mom up to drive to Craig. As the time with my mom dwindled she wanted to talk and enjoy each other's company those last few hours. Okay, it's my mom, so it doesn't matter if you have days or hours she always wants to talk. :) But either way, I lay there on the couch feeling slightly sad. I was so boring. I had absolutely no will to do anything, even talk. I literally wanted to lay there and just binge watch Parenthood. This made me sad because there was a small flicker of my rational Kelli telling me, she's leaving soon, enjoy her company, talk with her, go on a little walk with her, etc. But I had no actual will to do any of this. I felt so lame, so boring, and more importantly, so not me.
After they left, I cried because I was so frustrated with who I had become the past 8 weeks. Again the rational Kelli kept saying, don't worry, it's not who you are and who you will be, it's just temporary. But it really made me think about who I am as a person.
I always felt like I knew who I was, all my life. I never had to go on some big soul-searching quest or adventure after high school to figure it out. I went through phases of life knowing I was this or that. For instance in high school, I was the soccer player. In college I was the snowboarder. After college I was ....ummmm...the PT student's wife? Oh wait, I guess I was a Scentsy consultant. That was an interesting time in my life. :) Now, I am the crossfitter or the Colorado adventurer. Each of these phases are easily labeled, but they encompass this entire lifestyle associated with those labels. And I have thoroughly enjoyed each of them, some more than others. So far, my favorite lifestyle has been my most recent (Colorado adventurer/crossfitter). Either way, through all these times, I never really sat down and made a list of who I really am.
Through chemo I discovered a lot of the bullet points that would be on my "Who Kelli Day" is list. I discovered these mostly because I had become the opposite during chemo and it was driving me nuts! I am going to list some of these for you, and I will say that perhaps I am totally off on these and that I have a false idea of myself. Well if that is the case, don't tell me the truth. Just let me live in my fantasyland. :)
- Happy. I have discovered that I am naturally a happy person. I've always had a pretty amazing life so I am sure that contributes to it. But I think it's more than that. Some of the most frustrating cancer days were when I was in a depressed or sad mood and couldn't shake it. It really bothered me because that's not my normal state of mind.
- Active. Today I shall do crossfit, then maybe a short hike with friends, followed up with a mountain bike ride with my hubby. Oh and if I can gather some friends a pickup soccer game would be a perfect cap to the day. I love to be active. I love to be outside. Need I say more?
- Fun. I really like to have fun. And I like to think I am a fun friend.
- Positive. Get diagnosed with cancer on a Thursday or Friday and not have a consult with a doctor that can tell you the severeness of your illness until Monday. You'll learn what type of person you are. And I was happy to learn I was a positive person! Everyone likes to think they're a positive person but it was good to see I handled it with a positive attitude. Or perhaps it was ignorance?
- Productive. This one really drives my husband nuts. It is just an innate quality that I can't help. I really like to get shit done. Whether it's at work and I want to get a lot accomplished, or at home and I want to do lots of activities in a day. I enjoy laying on the couch and watching a movie, but it usually only lasts so long before I need to be doing something else at the same time.
- Healthy. I love pizza. I love sweets, especially ice cream or muddie buddies. Oh man, I love muddie buddies. And I eat all of these things. But on a day-to-day basis, I feel I am pretty healthy. And spending 8 weeks of eating so much crap (besides the meal-train dinners) I realized how I enjoy eating healthy.
- Helpful. It drove me nuts to have people taking care of me, doing all the chores around the house and I wasn't able to offer any help in the situation. I always knew when I started to feel better because I was able to start doing the dishes or the laundry. I really like to be helpful in situations and when I can't it bothers me.
There are many other traits that make up myself. But these were the ones I wanted to share because they're the ones that I really thought a lot about during the past 8 weeks.
While we are on this topic of discovering yourself. I saw this on pinterest a few months ago and have thought of it often.
I loved it because the first time I saw it, it stopped me in my tracks and made me ponder that question. Your first thought is to think of your hobbies. Which is true, they most likely are what makes your soul happy. But for me I wanted to dig deeper. I wanted to know why. So a few weeks back I had made another list ( if you can't tell, I love lists). I made this list so that on days I was feeling semi-well during chemo I could look at this list and try to do something on it. I wanted to create the euphoric feeling I get when I do or see one of these items.
- Mt. Sopris
- Lubby
- Tony and his love
- Disneyland of my family (one Sunday morning Tony and I were laying in bed watching Lubby and Conway have their "pouncing" lessons and being absolutely adorable, which in our eyes is often. Well this particular morning Tony just laughed and said something along the lines of it being Disneyland. He used the word to describe the perfectness of that moment and our family.)
- Hiking in beautiful scenery: Specific places: Crested Butte, Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho, Switzerland, New Zealand, Glacier NP, Banf and Jasper, Canada, New Hampshire.
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| Crested Butte |
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| New Zealand |
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| New Hampshire |
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| Canada |
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| Sawtooth Mountains, Idaho |
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| Switzerland |
- Wildflowers of Crested Butte
- Foxes
- Wildlife
- Early morning scenic drives through Yellowstone
- Epic days. Specifically: Hiking Snowmass Mountain, Hiking the Presi-Traverse in NH, Skinning Sopris, Tuckerman's Ravine in NH
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| Presi Traverse, NH |
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| Snowmass Mountain, CO |
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| Skinning Sopris |
- Travelling
- Completing Large Checklists/Goals. Specifically: Hiking all the NH 4000 footers.
- Creating beautiful photographs
- Crossfit- The Community.
- Crossfit- Kicking Ass. I realized that I get such a high from kicking ass at a workout. Especially when it's not just me that knows I kicked ass. This may sound conceited but it's true. I went to a friends gym back in early April and I overheard one of the instructors say to my friend, "your friend really knows what she is doing. She is really strong and good." And I had such a high from that all day.
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| My first competition. Conquer Denver 2013 |
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| Snatching way more than I thought possible at Turkey Challenge 2014 |
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| Sopris Team Taking 3rd at Turkey Challenge |
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| 15.5- Unbroken on the Thrusters! |
- Idaho Sunsets & Sunrises
- Epic Moments: Like Bungee Jumping 400 feet in New Zealand, or Swimming with 500 wild dolphins in New Zealand.
- Park Laps & Powder Days- This one has been missing in my life for a few years. But the snowboarder lifestyle of my past; the amazing people and memories of those times will forever hold a special place in my heart. And the few times I get to experience those moments again I treasure.
- Mountain Biking Adventures-Especially with friends on a fun, technical, and/or gorgeous trail.
- Hiking 14ers.
- Sunshine
- Cracking out on Colorado- This is when I have one of these days: 7 AM hard crossfit workout, midmorning hike,early afternoon relaxing, late afternoon bike ride, evening social event with friends. This is my favorite way to spend a day when I am in town. Which is also what made chemo so hard, because I was used to spending a lot of weekends like this.
- Dance Parties
- Inspiring Others- See Life Statement below.
Life Statement:
One time I had a friend tell me that he loved following all my posts on Facebook and always shared them with his fiance because he hoped it would motivate them to go do some adventuring themselves. I've had other friends tell me that I have motivated them to workout and adopt this healthier lifestyle, especially during chemo I've heard this. And this has made me so happy. I once read the book, "Drive" which is a great book and I highly recommend it. To see a video that summarizes some of the main ideas follow this link: DriveAnyways, in the book it talked about creating your life statement. If you were to die, what's the one statement you would like people to use to describe you? The point is right now you decide what you would want people to say and then live your life creating it. After you die, you obviously don't have a choice. Examples he gave were: for Lincoln: He preserved the union and freed the slaves. Or more generic ones: She raised four kids who became happy and healthy adults. Anyways, I thought about mine for a long time and came up with:
She inspired people to live life to the fullest.
In this day and age, I choose media as my means to fulfill this statement. I went to college to be a photojournalist. I wanted to travel the world and take pictures and write about it. Not only because that sounds fun and awesome but because I wanted to share those adventures with people. I wanted the poor kid in the broken home to see my photos of some foreign country and dream of going there one day. And then to actually make it there. I wanted the lady who is a hundred pounds overweight to see my photos of hikers on top of a mountain peak and to feel inspired to set a goal to someday hike that peak, or another peak and take the necessary and healthy steps to get there. And although I am not a photojournalist, I have taken to Facebook and Instagram to post lots of photos...sometimes more than people might like...of all my adventuring to hopefully inspire someone to do something that makes them feel good. To do something that makes them happier. That makes them healthier. That makes them feel like they are living life and not just existing. And just remember, as one of my favorite quotes from a Disney movie:
When I was diagnosed with cancer I decided this was an opportunity to live my life statement in a different way. I was used to fulfilling this statement through adventure, activities, and epic days. But I realized now I can hopefully inspire more people. I am sure there were people that saw my Facebook posts and thought "well yeah, she's healthy and able to do all these awesome things but if she were in a wheelchair it would be a different story." And they were right, it would be a different story. I wouldn't be at the top of all those mountain peaks. And going through chemo, I have definitely been MIA from leading this life statement of mine in the normal way. But the point of my life statement isn't to inspire people to live the life I was leading. It's to inspire people to live their life to the fullest.
So I have tried to still show people that you may not be able to win a crossfit competition, but you can still crush a workout, even if you are the last one to finish. You can still hike to a beautiful scenic destination. You can still create something beautiful.
Just like in crossfit, everything can be modified to fit your needs. So take the time to discover what will fulfill your life. What will make your soul happy. And do what you need to, what you can, to get there. Oh and make sure you document it because you could be inspiring others to make their life better. :)
