Temporary Recovery Week 1

Best Voicemail Ever: 

On Wednesday night I missed a call from my surgeon. I was super bummed to miss the call, but it's kind of cool to have this voicemail from her. She called to tell me that they got the pathology report back from my lymph-nodes and ALL IS CLEAR!! The excitement, sincerity and enthusiasm she has in this voicemail is so awesome. She is genuinely ecstatic for me and said the tumor was completed melted away- go Chemo!- and my lymph-nodes were clear. Woohoo!! No more lymph-node removal and no radiation! When Tony, my mom and I listened to the voicemail we all couldn't help but cry. We really did kick cancer's ass! 

So far my "temporary" recovery is going good. I call it a temporary recovery because I go back to surgery on November 5th for my final implants and after that surgery I will truly be on the final road to recovery. 

In the past 8 days I have done a lot of lounging around! Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I watched a lot of TV. Thanks Netflix for the ability to binge watch TV shows. It was interesting, during chemo I would feel restless and mentally overwhelmed with so many lazy days. But after surgery, it was so nice. It felt wonderful to know I had absolutely no obligations and that I shouldn't be doing anything. Tony made it very clear to me, no crossfit at all for at least a week. He knows me well. I felt like I could probably do some easy, controlled, lower body workout within a few days but I listened to him and did basically nothing those first few days. The only exercise I got was my upper body physical therapy exercises and a few small walks. 

Working After Surgery:

Thank you work for giving me the ability to completely check out. I love my job. I love my clients and I don't dread going to work. And a lot of times I have a hard time letting go of work when I am on vacation. It took some work on my part but I have set really good boundaries about not working on nights or weekends. But for some reason when I go on vacation I have a hard time not checking in and continuing to help out a little bit. After my last vacation I learned that was not healthy for anyone. It was easier for my work and our clients if I just completely passed the baton, that is why we are a team. And I know it's healthier and better for myself and my life to do this as well. So I vowed to take the entire first week after surgery off work and I am so glad I did! My team didn't call me once, not even a text! 

This second week I plan to work on projects and other tasks that do not have deadlines. It's still hard for me to let my team handle my main job, our transactions, but again, I know this week will be helpful for our team by working on a lot of things that get pushed to the back-burner. And I know that even though I may feel ready to jump back into a 40 hour work week with deadlines, my body might appreciate these project type activities instead. 

If you are trying to plan for your surgery and work expectations/schedule then in short I would say: take the entire first week off. You may feel you can work, but if you have the ability to take the time off, do, your body will heal faster and better. For the second week, I feel I could go back to work pretty much full time, or close to it. But I work from home, in my sweat pants and I don't have to set an alarm, so I can listen to my body and give it the proper amount of rest. I also have no kids and really no other responsibilities in my life, so when I am done working for the day, I can be done and lounge for hours if I needed too. Keep in mind what you will need to do outside of work (if anything). And if you have to go into an office, I would recommend to start your hours slow for that second week. Your body is still recovering. 

Lastly, this is one I struggle with, make sure you allow time to do your exercises prescribed from the hospital or PT. 

Exercising:

Prior to surgery I was told by the plastic surgeon I wouldn't be allowed to lift more than 5-10 pounds for 4-6 weeks. And although she didn't tell me this I also heard from people I wouldn't be allowed to put my arms over my head. I could do light hiking and light stretching but nothing that would raise my blood pressure too much. Since I didn't have the implants this surgery though I am able to do whatever my surgeon said, and she told me before I left the hospital that I can do whatever my body felt up too, but not to lift more than 5-10 pounds and not really any upper body exercises/working out. She encouraged me to be using my arms and lifting them above my head but no heavy lifting and I am pretty sure things like pullups and pushups are not okay. 

Before surgery I wrote down all the workouts that another fellow crossfitter did after her surgery. Although I think she went a little overboard and back to it a little to quickly, I appreciated her detail in documenting her workouts, sharing them online, and also for doing them. It made me feel better knowing someone else got back to working out so quickly. 

I also called upon my husband. I had a good heart to heart with him and said I really need you to be 3 people for me; my husband, my physical therapist, and my crossfit buddy. The doctors don't know crossfit and are probably going to shun any workouts I ask them I can do. So I need Tony to be the obsessive crossfitter that we are together. But I also need him to be a medical professional and help me find the balance of being safe and healthy, but still doing what we know I can (even if a doctor or studies say differently). We all know crossfitters push their limits. It's what we do. And I have seen so many instances where doctors say you can't or shouldn't do this and they do it and it's a good thing. I also have seen where athletes push it and hurt themselves, so I am trying to find a healthy balance with the help of Tony. And I of course just needed him to be my husband on the days that I needed a shoulder to cry on with my frustrations. 

So as I mentioned, it was just light walking and my upper body exercises those first few days. As much as I love to workout and hike and be active, I hate doing my exercises. They're so boring. But I really try to do them 2-3 times a day, although most evenings I have to call on Tony to force me to do them. Perks of living with a PT! These exercises consist mostly of just moving my arms above my head in different ways. My right side feels like it's stapled shut and all tight. But slowly each day I get a little further and further. And Tony reminded me that right now my goal is not necessarily to get back to 100% range of motion since I'll be going into surgery again, but just do as much as I can to offset this surgery and these two weeks. Thankfully the exercises don't hurt, I just hit a point where my arm can't go much further and I don't push it right now. My arms are pretty high though! And I am just trying to use my arms as close to normal as possible. My surgeon and Tony both tell me to not baby it, use them and exercise them. 

 

Saturday I felt ready for a hike, so we drove to Black Canyon of The Gunnison National Park. I had been wanting to go there (it's about 2 hours from us) and I thought it would be great to do that day. It was really pretty but unfortunately it was a lot more driving and a lot less hiking. I probably walked less than a mile that day. Oops. 

Sunday I made up for it and we went and hiked Mushroom Rock or Red Hill. This is a local trail about 5 minutes from my house that I go to 1-2 times a week. It's how I get Lubby out for exercise. There are a few different trails and loops but most of the time we do the "short loop" which is up Blue Ribbon and down Three Gulch. It takes us around 45-60 minutes to complete so it's fairly short, about 2 miles and about 600 feet of elevation gain. It still felt great to get outside and do this hike. It's interesting to hike right now. My legs feel normal, even antsy to run or work harder. But my upper body is very much on edge and I walk very rigid to minimize the jostling. And my lungs felt a little winded after basically a week of no movement. 

 

And this week, especially after I get my drains out I plan to start working out again. Obviously no upper body stuff for a while though. 

Bowel Movements: 

Ah, the wonderful world of bowel movements. I had experienced some constipation back in July when I switched chemo drugs so I wanted to avoid that happening again. And I knew after surgery and being on pain meds you can have lots of issues. Thankfully Monday morning prior to the surgery I had a great BM. As soon as I was home from surgery I started taking Colace pills each day and using a Miralex powder as well. I also was eating a TON of fruit. But by Thursday when I still hadn't had a BM my entourage (Tony, my mom and myself) started to get nervous.  We knew we needed to get me moving but it was so cold and rainy out. So that night when Tony got home form work he set his phone timer for 5 minutes and forced me to walk in circles around my house. I don't have a very big house so that was quite the funny 5 minutes. But like a good husband, he walked right along with me. Now that I am typing this I realize maybe it was more like him being a good PT and he was worried I would fall. 

Either way, Friday was a successful day of a good bowel movement!! We did it! It's amazing how excited you can get. I felt like I was a toddler that took my first poop in the toilet. My entourage and I celebrated and as my system got more regular over the days we all relaxed a little. 

Pain & the Meds: 

Pain is relative. I still don't know how well I handle pain but I will say this, surgery and recovery has not been painful. It hasn't been sunshine and rainbows, and it has been uncomfortable most days but not that painful. The worst pain that I have had has been a few nights in the middle of the night my right side, near the incision area just aches pretty bad. That has been "painful" but again, not horrible. 

I did take pain meds the first few days though, but most of the time it was because I was so worried that I needed to stay on top of the pain as everyone said. So many people told me to just take my pain medication every 4 hours like it allows, so most days I would do that, regardless of how I was feeling. Here is a recap of the meds I took: 

Tuesday: 8:45 AM, 1:45 PM and 9:40 PM- 1 oxycodon pill. I was prescribed 1-2 pills but I only ever took 1. 

Wednesday: 5:15 AM, 10 AM, 7:30 PM, 10:40 PM- 1 oxycodon pills. 

Thursday: 11:25 AM, 6 PM - 2 tyelonol extra strength pills. 

Friday: 1:30 AM, 8:30 AM, 2:30 PM - 2 tylenols. 10:15 PM - only 1 tylenol. 

Saturday: 3:45 AM- 1 oxycodone. This was the first morning that I felt the more painful ache in my side. I lay awake for about 45 minutes before I decided to just take the oxycodone rather than dealing with it. Again, it wasn't horribly bad but I was worried this was one of those times that I needed to "stay ahead of the pain".  8:45 AM and 8:10 PM- 2 tylenols. 

Sunday: 1 AM- 2 tylenol (woke up to a pretty achy side again), 9:45 PM- 2 tylenol. 

So by Saturday and Sunday I really didn't need pain meds except for in the middle of the night. By taking the tylenol at 9:45 Sunday night I slept way better and didn't take in any the middle of the night or in the morning. 

Overall, the pain is way less than I imagined it would be. I just hope the next surgery I feel the same during that recovery! 

One interesting thing is the tingling and numbness though. A lot of my chest and armpit area is pretty numb. It just feels like it's asleep which doesn't bother me much until something touches it directly. The worst area is the right side of my body under the armpit. Tony says it could be nerve damage  and not to worry, it will probably come back over time if it is nerve damage. It doesn't hurt and doesn't really bother me that much, just a little weird. 

 

I don't like to touch my chest or sides though. Although they aren't in pain, they are still sensitive....and I am definitely babying the areas a little. 

Drains & The PainBuster: 

I am easily grossed out, for instance when I watch a movie and it shows a surgery or an open wound, I always have to look away because it's disgusting to me. It's fascinating what the human body can go through, amazing what surgery and doctors can do, but gross to look at. So I was a little nervous about the drains but like everything else, it's been fine. 

For the first few days I had a shoelace tied around my body and I had the safety pins of the drains hanging on that. Then I discovered one of my Columbia fleeces have these "pockets" inside that the drains can comfortably sit in. So I've worn the same fleece for like 4 days straight. 

Here's a picture of my beloved fleece, my compression bra they send you home in and I love (it's like a security blanket), and I'm holding the drains in my hands. 

 

I empty the drains 2-3 times a day and it's actually cool to see the amount of fluid decrease. Here are my totals of each drain each day: 

Wednesday: 136 ml, 104 ml

Thursday: 87 ml, 65 ml

Friday: 38 ml, 39 ml 

Saturday: 29 ml, 22 ml

Sunday: 31 ml, 21 ml 

Tomorrow (Tuesday 10/27/15) I go back to Denver for my post-op visit so I hope to get my drains out at that time. And I've been told I most likely will have the drains again after the next surgery. The worst part of the drains to me is all the tubes and bulbs that you have to deal with when moving around and/or when getting dressed to actually leave the house. 

I was also surprised to have a pain buster device after surgery. This was a little black pouch that inside had a plastic ball that held some type of pain medication. It pumped the meds through a tiny tiny wire that was inserted into each of my sides and it gave a topographical numbing to the area. I appreciated having this but it was rather annoying to carry around the drains and this pain buster thing. My post surgery instructions said I could remove it a few days after surgery as the medication would be out at that point. Tony had experience in removing them so he did it on Thursday and it didn't hurt at all, I didn't even feel it. 

Let the Bodies Hit the Floor- Part 2

On Wednesday morning we thought it would be a wise decision to attempt my first shower. I was really nervous about showering because I didn't know how the water hitting my chest or incision areas would feel. I was not a fan of anything "poking" my chest and I just imagined the shower hitting it hard and hurting....or messing with the skin. But I wanted to stay clean and healthy so we went for it that morning. If you have read all my blogs you might recall last April's post titled "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor"? Well on Wednesday we experienced part 2. 

Tony and I had been up for a little while but just chilling in bed. I'm someone that likes to eat breakfast as soon as I wake up, so I think issue one was I had no food in my stomach. We got me undressed in our cold bedroom while the shower was creating a sauna atmosphere in the guest bathroom (our master bath is only a shower stall and sucks). So issue two I think was going from the cold bedroom to the steamy bathroom. Tony thinks my vessels may have dilated or something because instantly after walking into the bathroom I felt a little nauseous. I told myself I was fine and it was just because I was nervous and I still didn't like to look at my mangled chest. Not because I was self-conscious of it but because I don't like to look at gross things on the body...and it's pretty gross at times. 

Anyways, I continued forward, thinking I was just a little nauseous but not actually going to puke. We got me in the shower and the water was hitting my legs as Tony soaped up my backside. I was feeling worse and said I needed to sit down so we sat me on the side of the tub. After a second I stood back up to get the soap off my back and as soon as that was done I said I needed to really sit down because I felt light headed. Tony, the experienced PT quickly, but carefully, directed me to the toilet seat and within seconds of sitting down I passed out. My loving husband held my body while I apparently shook a little and foamed a bit at the mouth...hmmm...sexy. He just talked to me and tried to bring me back to reality. Once I was conscious he got me into bed and I instantly felt better when I was laying down. 

I am hoping there is no act three in regards to bodies hitting the floor. 

My Peoples: 

I am so thankful for all the amazing people I have in my life. First off, to my husband Tony. Wow. He has been a rock through all of this but after surgery he's been beyond helpful. It's been nice that he is a PT because he has training that has actually been very helpful, like the feinting incident above. He also is not grossed out by the human body (unlike his wife and mother-in-law). We have attempted another shower and that was a success and he lovingly cleaned all the hard to reach areas for me. :) He has been a perfect mixture of husband, PT, and best friend. He knows when to push me, when to let me be, when to let me cry- which so far has only happened once, during our first exercises. I was really freaked out that I was already so tight and lost so much range of motion. He hugged me and said, "I do this for a living and I see this every day. You are doing amazing and I am not worried at all about your range of motion, we'll get it back just fine." I felt a lot better after his pep talk and couldn't help but laugh and say his job sucks. I am glad I am not a PT, but love that he enjoys it! I appreciate him more and more every day. And if cancer has any positive in my life, it's helping me truly understand the decision behind who your life partner is and being so glad I made the best one ever! 

To my mom and dad. They have been through it all with me and have journeyed the 730 miles from Idaho to Colorado so many times this summer. My dad shows his love in many ways, but one of which is taking us out for a nice dinner, or bringing us "treats". He has provided multiple hotels, dinners and beers for us that I am beyond grateful. And I'm very thankful for all the times he's driven those miles! My mom is someone I always love to have fun with and she's been here most of the days that I am not a fun person. Yet she continues to come and not only offer her motherly love, but offer her services of keeping my life and house in order. She's constantly cleaning, cooking, running errands, keeping me company, and doing all the other odds and ends that need to happen that I'm unable to do right now. 

My animals, Lubby and Conway. They continue to show their love in the best possible way. Snuggling (very carefully) with me. Poor Conway is not allowed to sleep with us right now, for fear he'll jump on my chest in the middle of the night. But during the day we make up for it. And Lubby of course is always by my side. She knows something is up and treads pretty carefully around me right now. 

 

And the rest of my family and friends. The continued texts, calls, emails, care packages, gifts, flowers, and support has been so nice. Prior to surgery my mom had a handful of gifts from friends and family in Idaho and it was like Christmas! I felt so spoiled, so lucky and I will say it helps ease the pain and downside of dealing with cancer and surgery! 

And to my amazing Colorado friends who spent the weekend socializing with me. Friday night we had a delicious meal and visit from Amanda. Saturday night Carly, Jon, Amanda, Tony, my mom and I had a great evening. From watching Carly and Amanda relive their childhood by playing Mario on regular Nintendo (I was crying from laughing so hard...then I took a tylenol because I was jostling my body so much it started to ache, totally worth it though!), to our yummy potluck style dinner and of course capping it off with a great game of Liverpool. And Sunday we got together with some more friends and carved pumpkins and caught up with Tobie and Lee, Jodi and Eric, Ryan, Matt and Amber, and Amanda. And Jodi even made my favorite- home made muddie buddies! Apparently my friends know me well because Katie Reid had sent me muddie buddies prior to surgery. :) 

 

Good friends and family definitely ease the "pains" of surgery! If you are about to go through surgery, make sure during your recovery you are getting out and being social. It's obviously fun but more importantly it is good for your mental health. If you know someone that just went through surgery, make sure they are getting out or stop by their house to say hi. 

Surgery

Preparing for Surgery: 

I really tried to have a lot of fun and live it up those last few weeks before surgery. Okay, I always am trying to live it up and have fun, but especially right before surgery! And we had some fun weekends, lots of beautiful fall hikes and of course some great workouts.

The last week before surgery we ended up testing some 1 rep maxes in a few different movements at the gym, which was perfect because I really wanted to see where I was at prior to surgery and then after surgery. I expected my numbers to be a lot lower than my normal maxes since I had not been working out as hard and had just gone through 5 months of chemo. But I was happily surprised by some lifts and I actually hit a PR!

Squat Snatch PR: 125# . I suck at getting under the bar. My power clean and power snatch are higher than my squat movements. But on 10/15/15 I had the "magical" snatch moment where the bar was just above me and I was in a beautiful squat beneath it. It was cool. My power is still higher but I really had an ah-ha moment when the bar felt weightless as I landed that snatch.

Squat Clean: 180#. This is not a PR, but it's only 5 pounds under! So I was super stoked to hit this number.

Press: 102#      Push Press: 145#   Jerk:  170#   I have clearly lost a lot of strength in these movements. My previous jerk that I hit in April was 200#. But that's okay, it was still fun to hit some heavy numbers.

So the week prior to surgery was full of a lot of crossfit and hiking. And, as a gym we also went to an open gymnastics class in Aspen. That was so fun! By the time I went to surgery on Monday my body was ready to have some rest days! I made sure to be careful and not push it too much. I know I needed my body strong for surgery and I didn't want to get sick. So I kept it at a healthy level. Besides, I knew I mentally needed those workouts.

Sunday October 18th we (my mom, dad, Tony and I) headed to Denver. After dropping Lubby off we made our way to the Mile High City and although we were all dying to get out and hike in the beautiful mountains we had to jet to Aurora. That afternoon I had an appointment to get an injection of some sort of radioactive stuff. It was to locate my sentinel node.

This appointment was pretty funny. I felt like Vinny Chase in Entourage. I had my mom, dad and Tony with me the entire time. The doc helping us out was really cool and she invited them all into the room while I was getting the test. It was the first time that I was getting some sort of testing done while they were in the same room as me. All the other scans, biopsys, etc. I never had anyone in the room with me. It was a mixture of comfort and anxiety. I felt almost braver when I was there on my own. And my curious mom couldn't help but ask questions which lead to lots of details of what they were about to do, which was again, comforting on one hand, but that made me more anxious on the other. I don't really like to think about what is going to happen at any appointment I go to. I'm a task oriented person, I just show up where I need to show up and don't think about what's happening and just get through stuff as quick as I can. But I will say it was nice to have Tony hold my hand while they injected me though. In her detailed description she had said it can be a painful burning for 30 seconds. I immediately thought, 30 seconds isn't that long, you can handle it. And then I thought of Tabata workouts and how long 30 seconds could be. So Tony held my hand and tried to distract me with talk of crossfit. It was very sweet, but thankfully the injection did not hurt at all, just a slight tingling/burning but not painful.

After we located the sentinel node the doc then marked the spot of its location, which Tony and I thought looked like the X-Men symbol.

This was fitting because when getting injected with some crazy substance Tony and I joked that I was like a super hero now. And since my hair is now coming back "ashen" or grey we laugh saying I'm like Rogue. Which sucks because Rogue's super powers are so not cool. WTF. Why can't I be Wolverine?


So by locating this node my doctor could remove some of it the next day in surgery and send it out for a pathology report. This would give us insight into if the cancer spread out of my breast into the rest of my body. They would test it in two parts, a preliminary screening done while I was asleep on the table, and then a more extensive screening where it's sent out to the lab, studied more closely and then diagnosed. This second screening could take 3-5 days to find out the results. If either time it came back as positive with cancer it would mean more surgery to remove more lymph-nodes and radiation. So we were praying it was negative.

After our "family" outing to the hospital we rushed to Washington Park to get a walk in. Although our walk was cold and rainy we were graced with a double rainbow!

Then we headed to a cool little brewery so the boys could have some beers and we played a game of Euchre. Us ladies won. :) We then went to a really nice pasta place, Carmines on Penn to stuff our faces. I was told not to eat anything after midnight and we all know how much I love breakfast. So my plan was to eat a really big meal the night before so that I wasn't hungry the next morning. This was a unique and fun pasta place and it did the trick!

For weeks I had planned to go see one or two movies on the night before surgery. I wasn't sure how I would be feeling the night before but like I mentioned above, I don't like to think about what's coming so I wanted to zone out and be completely distracted with a movie. Well on the way to the theater my mom is giving me directions and mentions that we are going to Century 16 in Aurora. I instantly say, "Uh...isn't that the place that had the shooting in 2012." Yup. It was. Creepy. We tried to find another theater that was playing the Martian at that time but there was nothing for another hour. So we (mostly I) sucked it up and we went there. I was definitely distracted and not thinking about surgery. :) And we saved lots of money, that place is really cheap to see a movie! But it was really sad to think about what happened there. When I went to the bathroom I couldn't help but think if people had been hiding out in there, terrified for their lives, having just watched a love one die. It did make me feel better about going in for my surgery though, I just thought of all the people that had it much worse after that one night changed their lives forever.

The Martian was awesome and it definitely distracted me! I honestly wasn't that nervous or scared for surgery. Don't get me wrong, I was not thrilled about it either. But again, I had just tried not to think a lot about it and just focus on how it was the next task and how much closer we were to being through all of this. And by the time we got back to the hotel room from the movie we went straight to bed (about midnight) and woke up about 5:45 to head to the hospital. It wasn't a lot of sleep but I did sleep that entire time, and I knew I'd be catching up on my sleep in the next few days.

Surgery Day: October 19, 2015 
University of Colorado- Anschutz
Surgeon: Nicole Kounalakis
Plastic Surgeon: Joyce Aycoock

From 6:30-8:30 it was a blur of lots of doctors, nurses, IVs, and basic pre-op steps. It was nice to have a lot going on because I wasn't able to think about what was coming up. I was also just thrilled to be getting closer to when I could drink some water! What made me the most nervous was when the anesthesiologist told me that when I wake up I might still have the breathing tube in my mouth. First off, I didn't know I'd have a breathing tube. And second, not cool. That shit will freak me out. She must have seen the concern on my face because she assured me that I would still be so out of it I wouldn't remember it. That made me feel a little better, but still not thrilled about it. Anyways, the time had finally come.

Last picture with my boobs! 

I hugged my family, pretty sure my mom teared up and they wheeled me back to the operating room. I remember getting really nervous at that point, kind of like a roller coaster except I really like roller coasters. But I also remember thinking this: You may be really anxious and nervous right now, but you are choosing to do this so that you don't have years of anxiety after each mammogram or scan. That made me feel so much better. I tried to focus on what it feels like to wait for a scan to come back and that horrible feeling and how I won't have to have that feeling ever again. With having the BRCA gene, I knew if I didn't have a mastectomy there would be a really good chance I would get breast cancer again (I believe 70% chance). That solidified my surgery decision so that's what I focused on as they wheeled me through the hospital. And the second I got into the OR they were back to talking and doing things to me. There was so much going on I didn't have time to be that nervous.

6 hours later 

The first thing I remember after the surgery was being somewhat awake and hearing the doctor talking to the nurse about what was performed. Unfortunately I heard her say no reconstruction was done and I instantly spoke up and asked her if that meant they were not able to do the implants. I think she thought I was still out but she said that was correct, the blood flow on my left breast was not sufficient enough to warrant them moving forward safely with the implant. I knew this was a possibility prior to going into surgery, and truthfully I was concerned it might be the case because I know my skin is super sensitive, but it wast still a blow to wake up from one surgery and instantly find out you'll be having another. So I started to cry. Sometimes crying can make you feel good. Other times it can make you feel worse and make you feel like you want to puke. So I knew I had to get it together and not cry so I instantly asked her if my lymph-nodes were negative with the first screening. I knew this would make me feel way better because that was ultimate all I cared about. But as soon as I said the words I had a panic moment thinking if she told me they were positive with cancer I would really lose it. Thankfully they were negative so far! I was no longer crying and just happy to hear that news. And also happy to realize I didn't have a breathing tube in my mouth.

I was in surgery for 6 hours. It took so long because they had to do the lymph-node removal, wait for the test to come back for that, do the bilateral removal of my boobs, and they attempted a few times to do the implant but ultimately decided against it.

The next 24 hours went by really fast. I wasn't in much pain at all, just felt sore and beat up. My throat hurt a little from the breathing tube. Pretty quickly after surgery I ate some smoothie. Anytime that I am hungover, sick, or feeling nauseous from chemo I feel better if I get food in my stomach. So even though I didn't feel like eating, and they told me to take it really really slow, I tried to get some food in my stomach as quick as possible. And I think it helped. I didn't feel nauseous, which was nice.

Until a few hours after surgery I decided to attempt my first journey to the bathroom. The nurses came in to assist me and I felt queasy as soon as I stood up, so I tried to make it as quick as possible. The longer I stood upright the more nauseous I felt though. So as quick as I could we got me back to the bed and I knew I was really close to puking. One of the nurses shoved an alcohol swab under my nose and that helped so much.

While in the hospital we had a few friends stop by to visit us. The first was Tito, who goes to CSU. He came to get Tony so they could go workout. It was great to see him though.

And then a childhood friend, Sara Aldecoa, that lives in Denver and actually works on the 11th floor of the building I was in as a nurse stopped by to see me and bring some delicious cookies! Thanks Kido!

I had a great group of nurses taking care of me in the hospital. One that really helped me deal with my pain medication. Not my pain, but my medication. I wasn't in that much pain and I was extremely nervous about taking the oxycodon that was prescribed to me. The last time I took that was in high school after my wisdom teeth were out and that time I took it, I had also taken an anti-nausea medication and had a pretty empty stomach which resulted in me tripping out. I remember my brother-in-law, Tim was hanging out and we had just started a game of cribbage and I was tripping out on those meds and I hated it. I hate being out of control like that and I was so worried that would happen again. But at the same time I knew everyone had said to stay on top of my pain so I knew I needed to be able to take it. The nurse was so wonderful and helped me feel better and eventually I took my dose and thankfully I felt completely fine. I did make sure to have some food in my stomach this time though.

Speaking of food, I ate a decent amount of oatmeal and jello that first night and the next morning I had more oatmeal. I was never craving food or looking forward to it like I normally do but I knew I should keep eating as best I could.

The next morning we had residents and doctors rolling into the room to answer questions and check on me. The surgeons resident woke me up at 6 AM and said she wanted to look at my chest. Oh Shit. I am an out of site out of mind person and I had already told my mom and Tony that if I could avoid seeing myself for a few weeks I would really like that. Well less than 24 hours after surgery the resident wanted to open up my compression bra right in front of me. I considered looking away and thankfully I didn't.

It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. It was quite interesting to see. I was flat as a board. Actually flatter than a board, where my boobs used to be it was somewhat caved in. I could actually watch my chest rise and fall as my heart beat. And I laughed at the size of my pectoral muscles. You always see men's pecs but you never know how big yours are compared to a guys. Well this was the first time that I realized for a fact that I have really small pecs- no wonder dips and pushups are so hard! The doc had warned me before surgery that if we didn't do the implants it would look really ugly and to not let that stress me out. It wan'st as bad as I thought it would look, but definitely not sexy right now either!

By 12 PM on Tuesday 10/20/15 we were discharged from the hospital and on our way home. We stopped at a greek style place similar to a Subway to grab some lunch. I was able to go inside, order my food, go to the bathroom and eat 75% of my gyro. I slept majority of the way home and I wasn't in pain (I had taken an oxycodon right before the drive). So by Tuesday at 4 we were back home and on the "temporary" road to recovery. I say temporary because I have my next surgery planned for Nov. 5th ,which if all goes according to plan will be the final implants and then I'll be on the true and final road to recovery. And we were still waiting on the pathology report so there was the chance of more surgery and radiation. But I was feeling optimistic!

Thank you everyone for the gorgeous flowers, the cards, care packages and love and support! Tony got me the funniest gift, a humongous size Ted. If only he would have got Mark Wahlberg for me too. :)

                                                

Crossfit Community, Raising Awareness, & Breast Cancer Research

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and although I have celebrated it in years past with Race for the Cure runs, Barbell for Boobs crossfit workouts, and other events, it's obviously my first year as an actual breast cancer fighter and survivor. It sure makes it a lot more special...and fun! First I need to say one thing in honor of it being Breast Cancer Awareness Month- ladies, check your boobs. Like seriously, your yearly is not enough. It may be scary, it may give you slight anxiety but I promise you, it's better to discover something earlier than later. And obviously age doesn't matter.

This October we didn't only take part in a beast cancer event. On October 3rd and 4th, Sopris Crossfit hosted the Move Mountains event with Jenny Labaw to raise awareness and money for epilepsy. Jenny is running 500 miles across Colorado and we were the halfway point for her. We had a 2 day event that consisted of a silent auction-full of lots of goodies, including signed swag from Games athletes.

Tony & I rocking our signed gear from Aja Barto & Sam Briggs

We also had multiple workouts with Kevin Ogar, Michelle Kinney, Becky Conzelman and Jenny coaching us.

But more importantly, and what really inspired me were the people that came together to talk about epilepsy. From the parents of the 5 year old living with epilepsy, to John, the gentlemen that is hiking Colorado 14ers as his way of sharing his story, to Jenny and her inspiring life and journey.  Click HERE To access Jenny's blog.

Jenny sharing her story

What sparked my curiosity was when I heard that 1 in 26 people have epilepsy. I realized that I definitely have over 26 close friends, yet none of them have voiced that they are living with epilepsy. Is it because they aren't, or is it because they've never told me?

If it is the latter, what is their reasoning? Are they ashamed, embarrassed or scared? Is it because there has never been an "appropriate" time to discuss it? Whatever their reasoning, it's obviously their call. But as I watch and read about Jenny's journey it made me wonder if more people did share their stories, would there be more support to help those with this fight? Of course, it then made me think about breast cancer. I feel so fortunate and thankful to have a type of cancer that is so well known, discussed, researched and supported. But I know it wasn't always like this. I am thankful to the hundreds and thousands of women and men that were diagnosed before me that were open about their fight. If everyone kept it to themselves, there wouldn't be as much research, money and understanding of breast cancer. There may not be the chemo that saved my life. So thank you to all the people that are brave enough to share their stories, for whatever fight they are going through. And thank you Jenny for inspiring me. On Monday the 19th she finishes her 500 mile journey. That is the day I will be in surgery and I know during the rough moments of that day I will be thinking of what she has gone through and it will inspire me to deal with any pain I may be experiencing.

Community of Crossfit: 
While following Jenny's blog, she mentioned a book called Hope RX which is written by Kelly Anne Graham.  It's full of short stories submitted by crossfitters around the world that have overcome hardships. Everything from epilepsy, to cancer, from obesity to rare diseases. It's a great book that I highly recommend and you can find it on Amazon! The theme of the book is how crossfit helped them through these hardships. Obviously you know my story would fit right in there with theirs.

But what continuously brought me to tears throughout the book is the community concept of crossfit. A lot of people who don't crossfit assume we do it just to get a good workout in. But for most of us, we know it's more than that. We may have begun our crossfit life because of the workouts, but if you have a good box, you know it quickly became something much more.

Slowly, you make friends with your fellow crossfitters. How can you not? You are probably spending multiple hours a week with these people. That may not seem like a lot but how many hours each and every week do you spend with your best friend (assuming they aren't a crossfitter :))? So the friendships start to build.

As your friendships build, the comraderie within the gym increases. You have more like minded people connecting. Together you sweat, you suffer, you may want to puke and die at times.

Tony & Tito sweating and suffering

But together you also have huge accomplishments, hitting PRs, motivating one another, and also pushing each other. I know my closest crossfit friends push me to go harder. I'm not going to let them beat me! But when they do, I'm still all smiles and high fives (our high fours in my case).

High Fours!

Tito is so stoked for Tony!

Then your gym rallies behind the comraderie that has developed. They host fun events, both inside and outside of the gym and you become more and more connected and these people, this place, they become your family.

You have your own language you share. Your own values and ideals. You even have your own diet....that some people may share. There is literature, videos, sporting events <----a lot of those, and even your own fashion-lulu and reebok scored on that one. The culture of crossfit is infectious and if you are new crossfitter, just wait for it to hit you. Usually you know when you buy your first pair of Nanos.

If you want to see the community of crossfit in full force- go check out a fundraising event or a competition.

If you have the chance to compete with a team, do it!

I love this photo- take a moment to look at all the people in it and what they're doing and feeling!

Or be there the day someone gets their first muscleup. Stop in to a gym when they are doing their open workouts and watch as everyone cheers for not just the best crossfitters, but everyone. One of my most favorite moments this past open season was watching a fellow crossfitter get her first unassisted pullup. And the next week she did a workout with no assistance and it had over 50 pullups. I was so inspired and stoked!

The excitement they have for the athlete that just accomplished something huge in their open workout is so awesome!

But what I have really loved to see and be apart of is how this all leads to one amazing community of crossfit. From local gyms rallying behind their members going through hardships (which I have very much appreciated in my own life), to the coaches of those gyms that take extra care with their clients. I've read and seen so many amazing stories of adaptive athletes going to a crossfit box and having the coach spend hours of time and energy on finding the right modifications for them to be able to crossfit.

What has been really special this month is watching all the gyms put on events to raise money for different causes. From my box, Sopris Crossfit joining forces with Jenny Labaw to raise over $7000 for epilepsy. To this past weekend where I competed in a Barbells for Boobs event at a friend's box in Avon, Colorado. It was so fun to see all the men and women coming out in all their pink gear to raise money for a nonprofit dedicated to the early detection of breast cancer. And, the other team from Sopris was put together by my good friend Lynn Mirriam aka "Snack mom". Lynn had these super awesome shirts made for her team and Tony and myself that say "For the Love of Kelli". Not only are the shirts Lulu...which you know my love for Lululemon....but it was so kickass for them to have this as their team name.

And in a few weeks, Crossfit Fireside out of Meridian, Idaho (close to my hometown) is hosting a very special event that I am so excited about.

I was only able to attend Crossfit Fireside once while I was back in Idaho last year. But once was enough to consider myself a friend of the owners. They are great people, with a wonderful gym and a really good community in their box. In September the owner, Catie, reached out to me to ask if they could raise money to an organization I suggested for their October Breast Cancer Awareness event. I recommended the Breast Cancer Research Foundation because as they state on their website: "The foundation advances the world's most promising research to eradicate breast cancer in our lifetime. By spending 91 cents of every dollar on research and public awareness, BCRF remains one of the nation's most fiscally responsible charities. We currently support more than 200 researchers around the globe who are dedicated to six critical areas of focus- tumor biology, heredity & ethnicity, treatment, survivorship and mestasis- ensuring we learn more about breast cancer at every stage."

Well Catie ran with the recommendation and is putting on an amazing event on October 24, 2015. I am so thankful she asked me to be apart of this event and already I have been brought to tears by the people donating, raising money and being involved. One of Crossfit Fireside's members, whom I have never met in person, has a son that decided to be apart of this fundraising event in his own way. 4 year old Marco decided to sell lemonade one afternoon with the goal of raising $60 for the event. Well, Marcus raised over $140! I am so impressed with him not only for surpassing his goal, but at 4 years old to be thinking about something like this! How cool is that dude??

Click HERE to see the facebook page of the event. And click HERE if you want to donate to our fundraising page. Every dollar counts! And if you are in the Boise area on 10/24/15- go to Crossfit Fireside to check out this awesome event. I would make the drive back to Boise just for this event if I could. Unfortunately though, it will be 5 days after my surgery so I won't be able to make it.

I'm also so excited for Halloween this year! Tony and I usually try to escape for Halloween because we suck at costumes. But this year, Sopris Crossfit is hosting an internal comp to raise money for the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.  And to make it even more fun, for every dollar you donate, you get to hand out 1 burpee to a coach (remember, my dear hubby is a coach there ;)). I took a quick glance at the signup sheet today and was so impressed with all the athletes that are coming out on Oct. 31st to support and raise money. Thank you!

Anyways, to recap my random thoughts. If you are struggling with some hardships of your own, and you feel comfortable enough (which you should!) to share your story, do! It could make a big difference in someone's life...including your own. Join a local crossfit box and know you are joining a family and the best community ever. Lastly, thank you everyone for all your continued support and for donating your time, money, or even sharing our fundraising efforts! And here's some fun quotes I recently read and thought they were worth sharing. :)

We Did It! Chemo Is Done!

I can't even describe how awesome it felt to have my last chemo day! And I have positive thoughts that it's my last chemo day ever! I was like a little kid on Christmas, I had been waiting for that day for a long time and it was amazing! Woohoo!

I was especially excited to complete the last day because for a few weeks it was a little unsure if we'd be able to finish without delays. The last 3 weeks my white blood cells were dropping, enough that on my second to last treatment we were really worried that I would be too low the next week for my final treatment.

Thankfully when I showed up on September 23rd for my last treatment, my counts were actually slightly up from the week before! Apparently taking the week off crossfit and just laying low helped my body recover. Anyone going through chemo, plan something big for your last day. You may think it's not a big deal or necessary but I promise, you feel on top of the world and I wanted to do something to match that feeling. I even called the local skydiving place but they were booked up for another week....which my nurse said was probably good that I wasn't going to jump out of a plane that day, I still needed to stay healthy and recover from this last treatment. So instead Lubby and I went for a hike and then I went and worked out!

Valley View Hospital makes it a special day though. Everyone was very happy, excited and all smiles. They also have this bell that sits outside your door so anytime someone walks by they ring it. Happiness and a positive attitude is contagious.And my best supporter- Tony, surprised me at the hospital. He took an hour off work weeks ago to come on my last chemo day!

The last 4 weeks of Taxol were more challenging than the first 8 weeks. I think the previous months of cancer treatment were starting to take a toll, some of the symptoms increased just slightly, and apparently when your white blood cells are low you feel it.

Despite this though I still had a fun four weeks.

We went to a friend's wedding in Steamboat:

We had a fun visit from a really good old friend, Mike Maini. Him and I saw a moose and a mama bear and her cub in Aspen!

We did lots of little hikes:

I played a tourist in Denver with Jodi. We went to Rocky Mountain National Park to see the elk, then we went to Garden of the Gods and drove to the top of Pike's Peak.

Another chill weekend in Denver, where I caught up with friends and tried to enjoy the city. :)

Even though I had to take the last 1-2 weeks off from hard exercise and activities, I did hit some big accomplishments the other weeks. During that time I went pretty hard at crossfit. I did some big workouts, including Fat Grace- which was 30 clean and jerks at 135#. I deadlifted and pressed only 10 pounds under my 1 rep. I hit 205 backsquat, which was still 55 pounds under my max, but that's okay.

I also hiked a 14er. We try to do at least one every year and I was sad to think we wouldn't be able to do one in 2015, but I just assumed it was the way it needed to be, especially since 14ers usually crush me (Kelli's body doesn't handle 14,000 feet very well). But one day I realized that didn't have to be the case. I could just take it really really slow, plan for the easiest one, and turn back if needed. Thankfully I didn't have to turn back though! We hiked Mt. Sherman on Labor Day and it was something I was really proud of doing during my chemo treatment. I felt determined to get to the top (safely) to show other cancer patients that you can still live your life while fighting cancer. You can still do big things, hard things, it doesn't have to completely ruin and change your life. I know everyone has different treatments and I definitely know my Taxol treatment was an easier one, but you can still push yourself and hit goals and accomplishments that matter to you.

And on September 30th we had an ice cream social at the gym to celebrate!

Moving Forward: 
Now that chemo is over, I can't help but think about the changes my body will go back through.I can't wait to have functioning and nice looking fingernails. I can't wait to have eyelashes back, they really do protect your eyes from stuff flying in them. I can't wait to have nose hairs! My nose runs all the time and I think those contribute to my bloody noses, so be grateful for your nose hairs! :) I can't wait to have my hair in a messy bun on my head. Sorry mom, I know you dread the day I have my messy hair back.

I'm beyond thrilled to be able to start working out hard again. To see some gains. To feel my body move towards health and strength. I know I still have surgery and will be out for that recovery, but it will be fun to workout hard the next few weeks.

October 19th is surgery day. I will be having a full mastectomy and reconstruction. So until then you'll find me in the gym or in the mountains!

And already 10 days after my last treatment I have been living it up! I even took Tuesday morning off work to go for a hike with Ryan. This was big for me to do this. I LOVE my job and I've always been a very hard worker. Well that hasn't changed, but I have definitely realized that it's okay to not work 40 hours every week. As long as my clients and team are taken care of it's okay for me to take 3-4 hours off one morning to go outside. It seems silly to me because I know I get to play every weekend. But I'm trying to be better about doing things during the week. The fall leaves are dropping quick and I really wanted to get outside and see them before they were gone. So Tuesday morning Ryan and I did a hike I have been wanting to do for a long time, Cathedral Lake near Aspen. I admit, I felt guilty about work and worried that when we got back to cell service I would have chaos happening. It was silly for me to worry. I knew I had done everything the night before and that morning to make sure everything would be okay for a few hours and it was. And despite feeling guilty, the hike was gorgeous! And we had some very happy puppies too, which is of utmost importance to me. So lesson learned: If you have an amazing boss and job that allows you to have the autonomy to do things like this, then do it, it's important and will make you happier!

Thankful: 
Thank you to Valley View Hospital and the amazing staff there. I am not going to miss chemo but I am going to miss seeing the familiar faces of all the great people there.  From Jeff that takes my vitals and brings me my favorite drink (ice chips and a little water) and drew me this sweet picture.

To Diane, my actual nurse who not only takes great care of me each treatment but she is super rad too. She loves the outdoors and hiking, so I love talking with her about trails in the area.

To Kristin, she wasn't my specific nurse, but she was a nurse there that I loved chatting with and getting to know.  Thank you to Terry, the nurse for Rovira's team who could answer all my weird questions. And of course thank you to Dr. Rovira and Amy, his PA. They oversaw my treatment, knew when to push me, when to encourage me, and were always helpful. And they were both crossfitters, so there's that. :) I also am so thankful for all the other amazing people. From the integrated therapists, the admin teams, and all the amazing volunteers. Thank you so much for your care these past 20 weeks of treatment!