Preparing for Surgery:
I really tried to have a lot of fun and live it up those last few weeks before surgery. Okay, I always am trying to live it up and have fun, but especially right before surgery! And we had some fun weekends, lots of beautiful fall hikes and of course some great workouts.
The last week before surgery we ended up testing some 1 rep maxes in a few different movements at the gym, which was perfect because I really wanted to see where I was at prior to surgery and then after surgery. I expected my numbers to be a lot lower than my normal maxes since I had not been working out as hard and had just gone through 5 months of chemo. But I was happily surprised by some lifts and I actually hit a PR!
Squat Snatch PR: 125# . I suck at getting under the bar. My power clean and power snatch are higher than my squat movements. But on 10/15/15 I had the "magical" snatch moment where the bar was just above me and I was in a beautiful squat beneath it. It was cool. My power is still higher but I really had an ah-ha moment when the bar felt weightless as I landed that snatch.
Squat Clean: 180#. This is not a PR, but it's only 5 pounds under! So I was super stoked to hit this number.
Press: 102# Push Press: 145# Jerk: 170# I have clearly lost a lot of strength in these movements. My previous jerk that I hit in April was 200#. But that's okay, it was still fun to hit some heavy numbers.
So the week prior to surgery was full of a lot of crossfit and hiking. And, as a gym we also went to an open gymnastics class in Aspen. That was so fun! By the time I went to surgery on Monday my body was ready to have some rest days! I made sure to be careful and not push it too much. I know I needed my body strong for surgery and I didn't want to get sick. So I kept it at a healthy level. Besides, I knew I mentally needed those workouts.
Sunday October 18th we (my mom, dad, Tony and I) headed to Denver. After dropping Lubby off we made our way to the Mile High City and although we were all dying to get out and hike in the beautiful mountains we had to jet to Aurora. That afternoon I had an appointment to get an injection of some sort of radioactive stuff. It was to locate my sentinel node.
This appointment was pretty funny. I felt like Vinny Chase in Entourage. I had my mom, dad and Tony with me the entire time. The doc helping us out was really cool and she invited them all into the room while I was getting the test. It was the first time that I was getting some sort of testing done while they were in the same room as me. All the other scans, biopsys, etc. I never had anyone in the room with me. It was a mixture of comfort and anxiety. I felt almost braver when I was there on my own. And my curious mom couldn't help but ask questions which lead to lots of details of what they were about to do, which was again, comforting on one hand, but that made me more anxious on the other. I don't really like to think about what is going to happen at any appointment I go to. I'm a task oriented person, I just show up where I need to show up and don't think about what's happening and just get through stuff as quick as I can. But I will say it was nice to have Tony hold my hand while they injected me though. In her detailed description she had said it can be a painful burning for 30 seconds. I immediately thought, 30 seconds isn't that long, you can handle it. And then I thought of Tabata workouts and how long 30 seconds could be. So Tony held my hand and tried to distract me with talk of crossfit. It was very sweet, but thankfully the injection did not hurt at all, just a slight tingling/burning but not painful.
After we located the sentinel node the doc then marked the spot of its location, which Tony and I thought looked like the X-Men symbol.
This was fitting because when getting injected with some crazy substance Tony and I joked that I was like a super hero now. And since my hair is now coming back "ashen" or grey we laugh saying I'm like Rogue. Which sucks because Rogue's super powers are so not cool. WTF. Why can't I be Wolverine?
So by locating this node my doctor could remove some of it the next day in surgery and send it out for a pathology report. This would give us insight into if the cancer spread out of my breast into the rest of my body. They would test it in two parts, a preliminary screening done while I was asleep on the table, and then a more extensive screening where it's sent out to the lab, studied more closely and then diagnosed. This second screening could take 3-5 days to find out the results. If either time it came back as positive with cancer it would mean more surgery to remove more lymph-nodes and radiation. So we were praying it was negative.
After our "family" outing to the hospital we rushed to Washington Park to get a walk in. Although our walk was cold and rainy we were graced with a double rainbow!
Then we headed to a cool little brewery so the boys could have some beers and we played a game of Euchre. Us ladies won. :) We then went to a really nice pasta place, Carmines on Penn to stuff our faces. I was told not to eat anything after midnight and we all know how much I love breakfast. So my plan was to eat a really big meal the night before so that I wasn't hungry the next morning. This was a unique and fun pasta place and it did the trick!
For weeks I had planned to go see one or two movies on the night before surgery. I wasn't sure how I would be feeling the night before but like I mentioned above, I don't like to think about what's coming so I wanted to zone out and be completely distracted with a movie. Well on the way to the theater my mom is giving me directions and mentions that we are going to Century 16 in Aurora. I instantly say, "Uh...isn't that the place that had the shooting in 2012." Yup. It was. Creepy. We tried to find another theater that was playing the Martian at that time but there was nothing for another hour. So we (mostly I) sucked it up and we went there. I was definitely distracted and not thinking about surgery. :) And we saved lots of money, that place is really cheap to see a movie! But it was really sad to think about what happened there. When I went to the bathroom I couldn't help but think if people had been hiding out in there, terrified for their lives, having just watched a love one die. It did make me feel better about going in for my surgery though, I just thought of all the people that had it much worse after that one night changed their lives forever.
The Martian was awesome and it definitely distracted me! I honestly wasn't that nervous or scared for surgery. Don't get me wrong, I was not thrilled about it either. But again, I had just tried not to think a lot about it and just focus on how it was the next task and how much closer we were to being through all of this. And by the time we got back to the hotel room from the movie we went straight to bed (about midnight) and woke up about 5:45 to head to the hospital. It wasn't a lot of sleep but I did sleep that entire time, and I knew I'd be catching up on my sleep in the next few days.
Surgery Day: October 19, 2015
University of Colorado- Anschutz
Surgeon: Nicole Kounalakis
Plastic Surgeon: Joyce Aycoock
From 6:30-8:30 it was a blur of lots of doctors, nurses, IVs, and basic pre-op steps. It was nice to have a lot going on because I wasn't able to think about what was coming up. I was also just thrilled to be getting closer to when I could drink some water! What made me the most nervous was when the anesthesiologist told me that when I wake up I might still have the breathing tube in my mouth. First off, I didn't know I'd have a breathing tube. And second, not cool. That shit will freak me out. She must have seen the concern on my face because she assured me that I would still be so out of it I wouldn't remember it. That made me feel a little better, but still not thrilled about it. Anyways, the time had finally come.
I hugged my family, pretty sure my mom teared up and they wheeled me back to the operating room. I remember getting really nervous at that point, kind of like a roller coaster except I really like roller coasters. But I also remember thinking this: You may be really anxious and nervous right now, but you are choosing to do this so that you don't have years of anxiety after each mammogram or scan. That made me feel so much better. I tried to focus on what it feels like to wait for a scan to come back and that horrible feeling and how I won't have to have that feeling ever again. With having the BRCA gene, I knew if I didn't have a mastectomy there would be a really good chance I would get breast cancer again (I believe 70% chance). That solidified my surgery decision so that's what I focused on as they wheeled me through the hospital. And the second I got into the OR they were back to talking and doing things to me. There was so much going on I didn't have time to be that nervous.
6 hours later
The first thing I remember after the surgery was being somewhat awake and hearing the doctor talking to the nurse about what was performed. Unfortunately I heard her say no reconstruction was done and I instantly spoke up and asked her if that meant they were not able to do the implants. I think she thought I was still out but she said that was correct, the blood flow on my left breast was not sufficient enough to warrant them moving forward safely with the implant. I knew this was a possibility prior to going into surgery, and truthfully I was concerned it might be the case because I know my skin is super sensitive, but it wast still a blow to wake up from one surgery and instantly find out you'll be having another. So I started to cry. Sometimes crying can make you feel good. Other times it can make you feel worse and make you feel like you want to puke. So I knew I had to get it together and not cry so I instantly asked her if my lymph-nodes were negative with the first screening. I knew this would make me feel way better because that was ultimate all I cared about. But as soon as I said the words I had a panic moment thinking if she told me they were positive with cancer I would really lose it. Thankfully they were negative so far! I was no longer crying and just happy to hear that news. And also happy to realize I didn't have a breathing tube in my mouth.
I was in surgery for 6 hours. It took so long because they had to do the lymph-node removal, wait for the test to come back for that, do the bilateral removal of my boobs, and they attempted a few times to do the implant but ultimately decided against it.
The next 24 hours went by really fast. I wasn't in much pain at all, just felt sore and beat up. My throat hurt a little from the breathing tube. Pretty quickly after surgery I ate some smoothie. Anytime that I am hungover, sick, or feeling nauseous from chemo I feel better if I get food in my stomach. So even though I didn't feel like eating, and they told me to take it really really slow, I tried to get some food in my stomach as quick as possible. And I think it helped. I didn't feel nauseous, which was nice.
Until a few hours after surgery I decided to attempt my first journey to the bathroom. The nurses came in to assist me and I felt queasy as soon as I stood up, so I tried to make it as quick as possible. The longer I stood upright the more nauseous I felt though. So as quick as I could we got me back to the bed and I knew I was really close to puking. One of the nurses shoved an alcohol swab under my nose and that helped so much.
While in the hospital we had a few friends stop by to visit us. The first was Tito, who goes to CSU. He came to get Tony so they could go workout. It was great to see him though.
And then a childhood friend, Sara Aldecoa, that lives in Denver and actually works on the 11th floor of the building I was in as a nurse stopped by to see me and bring some delicious cookies! Thanks Kido!
I had a great group of nurses taking care of me in the hospital. One that really helped me deal with my pain medication. Not my pain, but my medication. I wasn't in that much pain and I was extremely nervous about taking the oxycodon that was prescribed to me. The last time I took that was in high school after my wisdom teeth were out and that time I took it, I had also taken an anti-nausea medication and had a pretty empty stomach which resulted in me tripping out. I remember my brother-in-law, Tim was hanging out and we had just started a game of cribbage and I was tripping out on those meds and I hated it. I hate being out of control like that and I was so worried that would happen again. But at the same time I knew everyone had said to stay on top of my pain so I knew I needed to be able to take it. The nurse was so wonderful and helped me feel better and eventually I took my dose and thankfully I felt completely fine. I did make sure to have some food in my stomach this time though.
Speaking of food, I ate a decent amount of oatmeal and jello that first night and the next morning I had more oatmeal. I was never craving food or looking forward to it like I normally do but I knew I should keep eating as best I could.
The next morning we had residents and doctors rolling into the room to answer questions and check on me. The surgeons resident woke me up at 6 AM and said she wanted to look at my chest. Oh Shit. I am an out of site out of mind person and I had already told my mom and Tony that if I could avoid seeing myself for a few weeks I would really like that. Well less than 24 hours after surgery the resident wanted to open up my compression bra right in front of me. I considered looking away and thankfully I didn't.
It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. It was quite interesting to see. I was flat as a board. Actually flatter than a board, where my boobs used to be it was somewhat caved in. I could actually watch my chest rise and fall as my heart beat. And I laughed at the size of my pectoral muscles. You always see men's pecs but you never know how big yours are compared to a guys. Well this was the first time that I realized for a fact that I have really small pecs- no wonder dips and pushups are so hard! The doc had warned me before surgery that if we didn't do the implants it would look really ugly and to not let that stress me out. It wan'st as bad as I thought it would look, but definitely not sexy right now either!
By 12 PM on Tuesday 10/20/15 we were discharged from the hospital and on our way home. We stopped at a greek style place similar to a Subway to grab some lunch. I was able to go inside, order my food, go to the bathroom and eat 75% of my gyro. I slept majority of the way home and I wasn't in pain (I had taken an oxycodon right before the drive). So by Tuesday at 4 we were back home and on the "temporary" road to recovery. I say temporary because I have my next surgery planned for Nov. 5th ,which if all goes according to plan will be the final implants and then I'll be on the true and final road to recovery. And we were still waiting on the pathology report so there was the chance of more surgery and radiation. But I was feeling optimistic!
Thank you everyone for the gorgeous flowers, the cards, care packages and love and support! Tony got me the funniest gift, a humongous size Ted. If only he would have got Mark Wahlberg for me too. :)
I really tried to have a lot of fun and live it up those last few weeks before surgery. Okay, I always am trying to live it up and have fun, but especially right before surgery! And we had some fun weekends, lots of beautiful fall hikes and of course some great workouts.
The last week before surgery we ended up testing some 1 rep maxes in a few different movements at the gym, which was perfect because I really wanted to see where I was at prior to surgery and then after surgery. I expected my numbers to be a lot lower than my normal maxes since I had not been working out as hard and had just gone through 5 months of chemo. But I was happily surprised by some lifts and I actually hit a PR!
Squat Snatch PR: 125# . I suck at getting under the bar. My power clean and power snatch are higher than my squat movements. But on 10/15/15 I had the "magical" snatch moment where the bar was just above me and I was in a beautiful squat beneath it. It was cool. My power is still higher but I really had an ah-ha moment when the bar felt weightless as I landed that snatch.
Squat Clean: 180#. This is not a PR, but it's only 5 pounds under! So I was super stoked to hit this number.
Press: 102# Push Press: 145# Jerk: 170# I have clearly lost a lot of strength in these movements. My previous jerk that I hit in April was 200#. But that's okay, it was still fun to hit some heavy numbers.
So the week prior to surgery was full of a lot of crossfit and hiking. And, as a gym we also went to an open gymnastics class in Aspen. That was so fun! By the time I went to surgery on Monday my body was ready to have some rest days! I made sure to be careful and not push it too much. I know I needed my body strong for surgery and I didn't want to get sick. So I kept it at a healthy level. Besides, I knew I mentally needed those workouts.
Sunday October 18th we (my mom, dad, Tony and I) headed to Denver. After dropping Lubby off we made our way to the Mile High City and although we were all dying to get out and hike in the beautiful mountains we had to jet to Aurora. That afternoon I had an appointment to get an injection of some sort of radioactive stuff. It was to locate my sentinel node.
This appointment was pretty funny. I felt like Vinny Chase in Entourage. I had my mom, dad and Tony with me the entire time. The doc helping us out was really cool and she invited them all into the room while I was getting the test. It was the first time that I was getting some sort of testing done while they were in the same room as me. All the other scans, biopsys, etc. I never had anyone in the room with me. It was a mixture of comfort and anxiety. I felt almost braver when I was there on my own. And my curious mom couldn't help but ask questions which lead to lots of details of what they were about to do, which was again, comforting on one hand, but that made me more anxious on the other. I don't really like to think about what is going to happen at any appointment I go to. I'm a task oriented person, I just show up where I need to show up and don't think about what's happening and just get through stuff as quick as I can. But I will say it was nice to have Tony hold my hand while they injected me though. In her detailed description she had said it can be a painful burning for 30 seconds. I immediately thought, 30 seconds isn't that long, you can handle it. And then I thought of Tabata workouts and how long 30 seconds could be. So Tony held my hand and tried to distract me with talk of crossfit. It was very sweet, but thankfully the injection did not hurt at all, just a slight tingling/burning but not painful.
After we located the sentinel node the doc then marked the spot of its location, which Tony and I thought looked like the X-Men symbol.
This was fitting because when getting injected with some crazy substance Tony and I joked that I was like a super hero now. And since my hair is now coming back "ashen" or grey we laugh saying I'm like Rogue. Which sucks because Rogue's super powers are so not cool. WTF. Why can't I be Wolverine?
So by locating this node my doctor could remove some of it the next day in surgery and send it out for a pathology report. This would give us insight into if the cancer spread out of my breast into the rest of my body. They would test it in two parts, a preliminary screening done while I was asleep on the table, and then a more extensive screening where it's sent out to the lab, studied more closely and then diagnosed. This second screening could take 3-5 days to find out the results. If either time it came back as positive with cancer it would mean more surgery to remove more lymph-nodes and radiation. So we were praying it was negative.
After our "family" outing to the hospital we rushed to Washington Park to get a walk in. Although our walk was cold and rainy we were graced with a double rainbow!
Then we headed to a cool little brewery so the boys could have some beers and we played a game of Euchre. Us ladies won. :) We then went to a really nice pasta place, Carmines on Penn to stuff our faces. I was told not to eat anything after midnight and we all know how much I love breakfast. So my plan was to eat a really big meal the night before so that I wasn't hungry the next morning. This was a unique and fun pasta place and it did the trick!
For weeks I had planned to go see one or two movies on the night before surgery. I wasn't sure how I would be feeling the night before but like I mentioned above, I don't like to think about what's coming so I wanted to zone out and be completely distracted with a movie. Well on the way to the theater my mom is giving me directions and mentions that we are going to Century 16 in Aurora. I instantly say, "Uh...isn't that the place that had the shooting in 2012." Yup. It was. Creepy. We tried to find another theater that was playing the Martian at that time but there was nothing for another hour. So we (mostly I) sucked it up and we went there. I was definitely distracted and not thinking about surgery. :) And we saved lots of money, that place is really cheap to see a movie! But it was really sad to think about what happened there. When I went to the bathroom I couldn't help but think if people had been hiding out in there, terrified for their lives, having just watched a love one die. It did make me feel better about going in for my surgery though, I just thought of all the people that had it much worse after that one night changed their lives forever.
The Martian was awesome and it definitely distracted me! I honestly wasn't that nervous or scared for surgery. Don't get me wrong, I was not thrilled about it either. But again, I had just tried not to think a lot about it and just focus on how it was the next task and how much closer we were to being through all of this. And by the time we got back to the hotel room from the movie we went straight to bed (about midnight) and woke up about 5:45 to head to the hospital. It wasn't a lot of sleep but I did sleep that entire time, and I knew I'd be catching up on my sleep in the next few days.
Surgery Day: October 19, 2015
University of Colorado- Anschutz
Surgeon: Nicole Kounalakis
Plastic Surgeon: Joyce Aycoock
From 6:30-8:30 it was a blur of lots of doctors, nurses, IVs, and basic pre-op steps. It was nice to have a lot going on because I wasn't able to think about what was coming up. I was also just thrilled to be getting closer to when I could drink some water! What made me the most nervous was when the anesthesiologist told me that when I wake up I might still have the breathing tube in my mouth. First off, I didn't know I'd have a breathing tube. And second, not cool. That shit will freak me out. She must have seen the concern on my face because she assured me that I would still be so out of it I wouldn't remember it. That made me feel a little better, but still not thrilled about it. Anyways, the time had finally come.
 |
| Last picture with my boobs! |
I hugged my family, pretty sure my mom teared up and they wheeled me back to the operating room. I remember getting really nervous at that point, kind of like a roller coaster except I really like roller coasters. But I also remember thinking this: You may be really anxious and nervous right now, but you are choosing to do this so that you don't have years of anxiety after each mammogram or scan. That made me feel so much better. I tried to focus on what it feels like to wait for a scan to come back and that horrible feeling and how I won't have to have that feeling ever again. With having the BRCA gene, I knew if I didn't have a mastectomy there would be a really good chance I would get breast cancer again (I believe 70% chance). That solidified my surgery decision so that's what I focused on as they wheeled me through the hospital. And the second I got into the OR they were back to talking and doing things to me. There was so much going on I didn't have time to be that nervous.
6 hours later
The first thing I remember after the surgery was being somewhat awake and hearing the doctor talking to the nurse about what was performed. Unfortunately I heard her say no reconstruction was done and I instantly spoke up and asked her if that meant they were not able to do the implants. I think she thought I was still out but she said that was correct, the blood flow on my left breast was not sufficient enough to warrant them moving forward safely with the implant. I knew this was a possibility prior to going into surgery, and truthfully I was concerned it might be the case because I know my skin is super sensitive, but it wast still a blow to wake up from one surgery and instantly find out you'll be having another. So I started to cry. Sometimes crying can make you feel good. Other times it can make you feel worse and make you feel like you want to puke. So I knew I had to get it together and not cry so I instantly asked her if my lymph-nodes were negative with the first screening. I knew this would make me feel way better because that was ultimate all I cared about. But as soon as I said the words I had a panic moment thinking if she told me they were positive with cancer I would really lose it. Thankfully they were negative so far! I was no longer crying and just happy to hear that news. And also happy to realize I didn't have a breathing tube in my mouth.
I was in surgery for 6 hours. It took so long because they had to do the lymph-node removal, wait for the test to come back for that, do the bilateral removal of my boobs, and they attempted a few times to do the implant but ultimately decided against it.
The next 24 hours went by really fast. I wasn't in much pain at all, just felt sore and beat up. My throat hurt a little from the breathing tube. Pretty quickly after surgery I ate some smoothie. Anytime that I am hungover, sick, or feeling nauseous from chemo I feel better if I get food in my stomach. So even though I didn't feel like eating, and they told me to take it really really slow, I tried to get some food in my stomach as quick as possible. And I think it helped. I didn't feel nauseous, which was nice.
Until a few hours after surgery I decided to attempt my first journey to the bathroom. The nurses came in to assist me and I felt queasy as soon as I stood up, so I tried to make it as quick as possible. The longer I stood upright the more nauseous I felt though. So as quick as I could we got me back to the bed and I knew I was really close to puking. One of the nurses shoved an alcohol swab under my nose and that helped so much.
While in the hospital we had a few friends stop by to visit us. The first was Tito, who goes to CSU. He came to get Tony so they could go workout. It was great to see him though.
And then a childhood friend, Sara Aldecoa, that lives in Denver and actually works on the 11th floor of the building I was in as a nurse stopped by to see me and bring some delicious cookies! Thanks Kido!
I had a great group of nurses taking care of me in the hospital. One that really helped me deal with my pain medication. Not my pain, but my medication. I wasn't in that much pain and I was extremely nervous about taking the oxycodon that was prescribed to me. The last time I took that was in high school after my wisdom teeth were out and that time I took it, I had also taken an anti-nausea medication and had a pretty empty stomach which resulted in me tripping out. I remember my brother-in-law, Tim was hanging out and we had just started a game of cribbage and I was tripping out on those meds and I hated it. I hate being out of control like that and I was so worried that would happen again. But at the same time I knew everyone had said to stay on top of my pain so I knew I needed to be able to take it. The nurse was so wonderful and helped me feel better and eventually I took my dose and thankfully I felt completely fine. I did make sure to have some food in my stomach this time though.
Speaking of food, I ate a decent amount of oatmeal and jello that first night and the next morning I had more oatmeal. I was never craving food or looking forward to it like I normally do but I knew I should keep eating as best I could.
The next morning we had residents and doctors rolling into the room to answer questions and check on me. The surgeons resident woke me up at 6 AM and said she wanted to look at my chest. Oh Shit. I am an out of site out of mind person and I had already told my mom and Tony that if I could avoid seeing myself for a few weeks I would really like that. Well less than 24 hours after surgery the resident wanted to open up my compression bra right in front of me. I considered looking away and thankfully I didn't.
It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. It was quite interesting to see. I was flat as a board. Actually flatter than a board, where my boobs used to be it was somewhat caved in. I could actually watch my chest rise and fall as my heart beat. And I laughed at the size of my pectoral muscles. You always see men's pecs but you never know how big yours are compared to a guys. Well this was the first time that I realized for a fact that I have really small pecs- no wonder dips and pushups are so hard! The doc had warned me before surgery that if we didn't do the implants it would look really ugly and to not let that stress me out. It wan'st as bad as I thought it would look, but definitely not sexy right now either!
By 12 PM on Tuesday 10/20/15 we were discharged from the hospital and on our way home. We stopped at a greek style place similar to a Subway to grab some lunch. I was able to go inside, order my food, go to the bathroom and eat 75% of my gyro. I slept majority of the way home and I wasn't in pain (I had taken an oxycodon right before the drive). So by Tuesday at 4 we were back home and on the "temporary" road to recovery. I say temporary because I have my next surgery planned for Nov. 5th ,which if all goes according to plan will be the final implants and then I'll be on the true and final road to recovery. And we were still waiting on the pathology report so there was the chance of more surgery and radiation. But I was feeling optimistic!
Thank you everyone for the gorgeous flowers, the cards, care packages and love and support! Tony got me the funniest gift, a humongous size Ted. If only he would have got Mark Wahlberg for me too. :)
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